I wish I had known about narcissists before I met Rat Bastard.  I vaguely knew what they were, but not really.  Things might have ended differently if I had been more aware, we would never have been together for so long – I would have broken up with him long before.  He was charming and I was sucked in and involved before any of his narcissistic traits surfaced.

The first week I met him, he swept me off my feet – sending flowers,taking me for dinner, spoiling me.  It was too good to be true.

I don’t know if Rat Bastard had full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder or if he just had narcissistic traits.  Whatever he was, I was too gullible.  But that is part of the problem with narcissists, they are hard to spot. Beware: 70% of narcissists are men.

‘Narcissists are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, impossible to capture,’ explains Dr Sam Vankin, narcissism expert.  He explains what a narcissist is:

‘Pathological narcissism is a life-long pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and obsession with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance and ambition.  As distinct from healthy narcissism which we all possess, pathological narcissism is maladaptive, rigid, persisting, and causes significant distress, and functional impairment.’

He gives these signals to watch out for:

• Their body language gives the impression of superiority, amused indifference or hidden powers.

• They are condescending when they talk – as if from a position of supremacy.  He rarely mingles socially and prefers to remain the “observer”, or the “outsider”.

• They want special treatment of some kind, for example: they don’t need to wait for their turn.  The rules don’t apply to them.

• They can react with rage when their requests are turned down or treated normally (the same as others who he sees as inferior)

• (This sounds familiar) They flatter and adore the “target” – or sulk and humiliate her.

• They try to belong, but keep their position as an outsider – wants to be admired without putting in any effort.  They consider themselves exceptional.

• They will never admit that they don’t know something, and are inclined to brag and lie about their past.

• Generally they are impatient and easily bored – unless and until they are the topic of discussion.

• They believes theirs time is more important than other people’s time.

• They are easily hurt or insulted, even the smallest of remarks can make them flip.

• If you offer some advice they will flip too – seeing this as a way for you to humiliate them.

Those are some basic things to watch out for, I definitely saw some of these things in Rat Bastard.  If you want to read more, take a look at Dr Vankin’s website about narcissists or take a look at his book: Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited.

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