‘Really busy.  Need space.’

That’s the text Adam Levine wrote when breaking up with Jessica Simpson – as reported by bestweekever.tv in 2006.  It doesn’t just happen to celebrities – I’ve just heard about another friend who was broken up with by text.  Not fair at all!  How are you meant to get any closure in the 160 characters of a text?

I went searching for text etiquette.  Maybe I was old-school?  Maybe the new thinking is that breaking up by text was OK?

Well it’s NOT!  Every site I found with basic rules of texting said that it was not ok to breakup by text.  MacWorld says:

When it comes to texting, the medium truly is the message. It is almost never appropriate to conduct important conversations about relationships, major life events, or critical work issues via text message, where the conversation invariably comes off as flippant. Pick up the phone, or use e-mail to engage in a more thoughtful discussion. Never break up with someone via text. Ever.

And I guess as experts on the iPhone, they should know. USA Today says if your message is about strong emotions don’t text it:

Use discretion. Some sentiments should never be expressed through text. The most powerful and considerate way to declare your feelings is face-to-face. 

And if breaking up isn’t declaring your feelings, I’m not sure what is!   I’m sure the reasons for breaking up by text (or post-it, a la Sex and the City) are not spiteful and more about protecting yourself from confrontation, but it does not help your partner be able to get some kind of closure.  Email is better – but really face-to-face is the only way to breakup if you respect your partner fully.

Tomorrow I’ll look at how to get over a breakup by getting some control back – when your ex breaks up with you.

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This is a great video about what can happen when you send that breakup email – when you haven’t talked.  Very funny, and will make you think twice about sending abusive emails when breaking up as they might just end up online.

If you need extra support getting over that ex of yours, check out The Smart Woman’s Breakup Program – it’s based on over 100 interviews with women facing breakups just like you and includes the advice of over 25 experts.  You can download a sample chapter here.

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