I’ve been enjoying the dating diaries posts on Marvi Marti’s blog. She is doing the whole internet dating thing in her 40s and she is not shy to write about how it’s going.  She writes with humor and honesty – worth checking out!

In one of her latest posts she writes about the benefits of background checks. A post on Life Bytes that poses the question: how well do you know who you are dating? inspired her writing and both are worth reading and thinking about.  I sure could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had background checked B – the rat bastard!  I am sure there would have been red flags a plenty.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Leaza popped into to comment on my blog yesterday, so I had to check hers out: My Flirty 30s – which is about her out dating again.  And it’s great!  I particularly loved her post on dating again, describing all the guys she’d dated in the past six months (with nicknames).  Check out the post – very funny, and recognizable.

And how we can all relate to her bad dates…from barenaked guy (how can he think she’d be happy about him getting naked with no warning signs beforehand?) through to Belgium Guy who was obsessed about his investments (should he buy an oil well or furnish his empty apartment?).  *Sigh* There are nice guys out there, sometimes it’s a struggle to find them!  Isn’t she doing well, going on so many dates?  I am most impressed.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I recently reviewed Getting Past Your Breakup and in it there is a cautious and sensible set of rules about dating (when you’re ready to get out there again).  These are caring, look-after-yourself dating rules – not the strange be-a-woman-like-no-other rules you see in some dating books (like The Rules which I obviously don’t like!!!):

1. Enjoy yourself!
2. Stay safe – trust your intuition
3. Relax and keep the conversation breezy
4. Listen to your date (really listen, be careful about your inner dialogue trying to prove how compatible you are, what you hope he is saying)
5. Don’t reveal too much on early dates – if there are skeletons in your closet you can tell them 3-4 dates down the line
6. Avoid long conversations in the days following the first date – take time to assess this person
7. Don’t get involved physically for the first few dates – this helps you to keep some perspective
8. Journal your reactions after each date – be careful about justifying away warning signs
9. Go slowly
10. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed too fast
11. Don’t get depressed if the date doesn’t turn into the love of your life – it won’t be this way forever
12. Don’t start thinking about the future – if the date goes badly, don’t generalize that you will be alone forever…and if the date goes well – take it as it comes, evaluate the person not his potential
13. Accept rejection – and don’t judge yourself!
14. One bad date is not the end of the world – in fact it will probably turn into a funny story to tell your friends (check out Confessions of an Online Dater )
15. Do some positive affirmations – you are OK no matter what happens!

Amazon readers:                                                              NZ Fishpond Site:
Getting Past Your Breakup

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This is the final of the first series of a weekly column by Lucy aka ‘The Cougar’, a woman braving the world of internet dating.  I’m already getting updates of the second series!

Have you ever wondered what the term Blind Date actually means?  Does it mean we should feel like we are blind-folded and about to walk into the firing line of what ever lies ahead?  That we are to be blinded by the sparks of pure animal lust attraction at first sight? Or are we blinded by rage that someone could think that you would be attracted to the person they set you up on the blind date with??

So,Blind Date #1: Couple of phone calls and I must say a few very endearing text message during the week had me hook line and sinker – I was in, fully monty. Game over – no-one else even gets any attention from me all week, even had a few tummy flips in the build up, this is getting dangerous I am telling myself.

I am beginning to hate the first meeting… the ‘hand shake’, it just seems so clinical.  Every date I have been on has done it.  How obvious to everyone around, it feels like everyone around you is watching with amusement to see what happens next.  Off for a romantic walk,  a few sneaky glances go back and forth between each other. Much care is being taken by both to look at each other and not up and down each other.  Eyes to melt your heart and those tanned legs…I think there might be a bit of attraction here.

It’s time to go home, and it’s really hard to say goodbye and its almost getting painful…it’s all rather awkward and you don’t know whether to shake hands, kiss on the cheek, or what…so you just wave and walk off!  But not before the question that I am so unprepared for comes  ‘So where to from here’, ‘Would I like to meet again?   My mind is racing, there is that  slightly uncomfortable  silent pause – I’m not really sure if I do want to go out again, I’m not really sure if I don’t – but I find myself agreeing, nodding.  Not really saying anything in case the quiver in my voice fails me and lets me down.

So Blind Date Man #1 is the first one to get a 2nd date. I wake up on the Date #2 day with a huge pimple on my left check – result from Friday nights escapades of far too much white wine – not a good start to the day.  After a lovely afternoon I get walked to my car…and yes…oh yes…I think he goes for the kiss… but it all happened so fast that I don’t know what happened.  But, he got my cheek.  And not the right cheek – the left one with the big white wine pimple. I just shrink in embarrassment and jump in my car, drive off, in the wrong direction so that I don’t have to see him or pass him.

No – I haven’t heard   from him since. And to add salt to the wound, the back of my legs are so sunburnt it hurts every time I walk, sit down, stand up.  It’s a constant reminder for days to come.  So, all said and done, this is it for awhile.

Dating has been fascinating, its been fun, interesting…and I can’t wait for next year!  I will be much more prepared and hopefully ready to see where dating takes me next time round. Right now, I just need to date myself!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This is the third of a weekly column by Lucy aka ‘The Cougar’, a woman braving the world of internet dating.
If “Its raining men” – why is it that I feel like I am  in a  thunderstorm?  or is it that  I could be in the eye of the perfect storm?  Last week was beginning to look grim. I was feeling  like the editor  of the New York Times – what is this week’s feature going be about. ?   Life – we put too much pressure on ourselves to perform. If we just relax and let it happen.. it happens..boy it happens.

So, Date Man #1 has been messaging me all week, he’s nice and I enjoyed his company and the dialogue that followed our first date, I  am happy to have friendship with him… so I thought did the right thing and did my first Dear John message to Date Man #1 telling him honestly that I thought I was ready, but I’m not.  He’s German and I am waiting for the not so subtle reply fueled with rejection & anger for not telling him this sooner.  His reply is one of compassion to start with, the word exploited was mentioned so I skimmed the remainder of the message and assure myself that I have acted honorably at all times.

This does not mean that the fun has to stop however.

Picture this…it’s Friday am,  I am sitting at my desk listening to the chitter chatter of everyone exchanging plans of what their weekends are going to be like.  I am feeling the pangs of a weekend filled without ‘you know who’ and then up comes our receptionist.

‘Lucy – see that lovely man at reception – well he’s has asked me to come and ask you if you would like to go out to dinner with him.’

It’s one of those moments you see in the movies, all time stops around me, everyone freezes, I turn around to stare.  And yes there is a lovely man at reception. I want to run over and throw my arms around him and say ‘yes’. I picture the wedding dress, kids, retirement…life flashes by…but I can’t even get out of my chair.  My head swelled so big that if I had of stood up then I would have toppled over.  So instead I agree for him to have my number, maintain my composure and then run down the other end of the office gloating that ‘I still have it.’ ‘I’m a man magnet.”Yeah baby yeah.’ There are cheers and high fives.  Lucy’s got her mojo back.  Yippee. There is almost a sigh of relief at this end of the office that I might finally be moving on.

I have a skip in my step through out the day, I mean – come on who wouldn’t? Then the Blind Date call came ‘Hello Lucy- you don’t know me but  a mutual friend gave me your phone number.’ 5-10 minutes conversation and we agree to go for coffee.  Oh bring it on!! Maybe I am ready after all…

Back to Internet Date Man # 2,(the Runaway one).  Date set for Monday night after work and before Tennis.  I have on new shoes, new pants, yeah. This is good. It’s Monday, the beginning of the week and I have a hangover that is about a  grade 5 and a date on the same day! Can’t even stomach the thought of more wine.  Bridget Jones moment #2.  Having yawned most of the day, my mascara has slowly wedged itself in every crevasse it can find – slowly sliding down my face. Repair work at this stage is almost unable to be done. Date was lovely, really nice guy and before I know it two wines have gone down.  I’m almost ready to can Tennis and stay and have more.  Funnily enough white Wine is tasting pretty good about now!!  We part ways but not before we agree to meet up again this weekend for coffee or something.  It was one of the most pleasant encounters I have had with someone I don’t know, conversation was great, he is intelligent, witty, driven – really nice, but … So Thursday will be the Blind Date -3 is my number so maybe third time lucky.

Next week will be the finale of Season One. Its all a bit overwhelming and like every good series – there is a holiday break.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This is the first of a weekly column by Lucy aka ‘The Cougar’, a woman braving the world of internet dating.

THE FIRST DATE: and telling your parents what you are up to…

At first I think  my mother  was impressed and rather curious about by my  bold move to ‘get on with my life’. The romance and imagination of  who lies behind the screen  was soon to be overcome by reality. It was almost a ‘Mastercard’ moment when I told her of my impending rendezvous… the first date…you know when you get that silent look from a parent and you just  know they disapprove of what you’ve done or what you are about to do… double it, triple it and then add some.. that was just Mum, now who is going to tell my Father…

A coffee date had been set – and with a time frame already outlined – places to be and things to do afterwards you see..  …tip from a  friend who is an  on-liner.. have an out clause!

9.30am it was – 8.40 I woke up… urg……. Bridget Jones On-line Dating moment #1.

Luckily I have a car with a fantastic built in hairdryer, car vents set to hair dry – pity I couldn’t control the volume it adds to my hair but I was hoping it might be a windy walk to the cafe and it might settle down..   I arrive 3 minutes to spare, check my hair, lipstick, quick spray of heavenly scent… and then I look out the window.. oh no… he look old.. I mean really old. He must have lied about his age..what do  I do now??    phew..  ops wrong person.. he just walked off with another woman.. she doesn’t look like me so I must be a bit nervous and mistaken my date for someone else. I pick up my jaw that was sitting somewhere down by my ankles.

I’m on time and I bet him there.. I sit down, perched on the edge of my seat close to the door..  trying not to chew a nail.. casually reading my property press  and ready to bolt in case it goes all horribly wrong.. and then in he comes, instantly recognisable by his photo.. We had polite and pleasant conversation for an hour and a half…   There were no thunder bolts but it was not awful. In my mind I kept thinking…this guy is fit..  I mean really fit, he climbs alps, mountains, swims lakes, cycles countries…..  he is 10 kgs lighter than me, an inch shorter and if I had of agreed to go on a run with him as he suggested instead of coffee  how the hell was he going to carry me when I collapsed ?? And even worse.. everyone will find out because… he works for one of my clients!!!!  We part ways and agree for ‘follow up’ – what do I do now?……………….

But But… … the man who ran away came back… so now we have First Date Number Two this coming weekend… he makes TV Commercials… he seems cheeky.. so Im looking forward to this one..

Hopefully next week will bring more excitement.. stay tuned.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

This is the first of a weekly column by Lucy aka ‘The Cougar’, a woman braving the world of internet dating.

So where  do I start??

Hiding behind a computer screen can create such a disguise to what the true inner self is feeling.. or even looking like.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve got half your toast on your chin from your morning breakfast, if you haven’t brushed your teeth, if you are in you passion killer pj’s or even if you’ve got last night’s mascara and lipstick smeared all over your face.. thank god they can’t smell your breath after a night on the wine…. No one can see what is on the other side.

It makes you wonder also… what is the other person on the other side doing… or looking like when they are messaging you?? Yeh.. lets not think too hard about that one!

So – has this week been successful? What do we call successful?

Two offers of dates in one week – hell – I call that a great boost to the ego. One date confirmed.. I said yes to the other one… not quite sure what about my yes it was that frightened him off… so, so far – only one confirmed date.  It’s funny the people you see on line… yes.. I know who you are!.. Come out, come out, where ever you are and share the fun.

Stay tuned for next weeks update on…. the first date.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Off Topic Sunday

Love this website: the customer is not always right.  Check out this pick-up scene from a restaurant.  Some guys make you laugh (or cry): guy tries unsuccessfully to pick up girl.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I am helping a friend setting up her internet dating profile.  She’s been single for a while, and it is time for her to get back out there and meet some men.  She is well and truly over her last breakup. We went through and looked at her competition last night, checking out the women who were on the same online dating site in her age-group.  We enlisted the help of R the man of the house as well so we could get a male point of view – seeing what guys look for when they are scanning all those profiles.

Here was his feedback:

• The most important thing with your internet dating profile is the photo – men are visual creatures so if you don’t make an effort with a photo you might be missing out.  He advised a friendly natural photo, show your teeth when you smile, and not too cropped.  Definitely no kids in the photo (not that he is against kids, just the date is about you not the kids) and no other men.  Showing more than your face is good too in some of the photos, men do like to see what kind of build you are.
• The first paragraph is most important to hook them, try something that lets your ‘voice’ come through.  Get past the ‘I value honesty in relationships’ – of course you do!  We all do.  Use that paragraph for something more interesting and original.
• Don’t give a detailed list of what you want in a man – they start to feel like they will never measure up!  At the most write a paragraph that gives a general description of what you are looking for.
• Definitely don’t give a detailed list of what you don’t want!  That comes across as negative.  You may have your list instead of writing it down keep it in mind as you email each other.

Good luck!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

So you’re getting to that time after your breakup when you start thinking – I could date again.  So your mind is thinking: internet dating. I read an interesting article in the newspaper about internet dating tips for first dates. Rachel Goodchild had gone on 88 internet dates and written a book and blog about her internet dating adventures and tips.

Her dating advice and tips were:

• Don’t invite them home for dinner for the first date as this will give them the signal that you want sex.  Also you might not like them and you will be stuck with them for a long time which is not the best thing on a first date!
• Going for a walk on the beach for the first date is a good idea in summer.  You can always escape into the crowds if you don’t like your date.
• Have an escape plan so you can get away if your first date isn’t going so well.  Rachel once said that she had to go to the gym even though she had already been that day, but meeting friends, a work deadline would all work.
• Don’t take men home from bars – take home their business card or phone number instead!
• Don’t assume men you meet when away on business trips aren’t married or attached – ask them outright!  It pays to be direct.
• First date locations that really work for internet dating are cafes: they are public so if they are a bit weird you will be safe.  Also coffee is not too long a date, but if you like them you can always extend to a glass of wine, lunch or dinner.

All good advice.  I’ve done quite a bit of internet dating and found it a great way to meet people, especially if you aren’t really the type of person to pick up men in bars.  I met R (my man now) online and he’s great!  First date was at a wine bar in my neighborhood.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.