No-one wants multiple – or even one breakup, but sometimes they happen, and they happened to me. Going through my last breakup, I realised I was getting better at it – mind you at 38 I should have been! Then I watched a friend in her 20s going through a major breakup, making the same mistakes I made.
I started asking myself questions:
- How can we cope with breakups better?
- Were there differences between women who initiated the breakup and women who didn’t?
- How do we keep on hoping after multiple breakups and as we get older?
- Is there a way to learn breakup skills without having to muddle through years of relationship endings to get there?
I know how to teach practical skills – I’ve successfully taught
executives how to make effective presentations, navigate the minefield
of cross-cultural differences and negotiate. I was sure I could design
a course to get women like us get from breaking up to breaking through.
I started work:
- I spent a year interviewing women – some in their twenties, many in their thirties and some older – listening to their experiences, looking for themes and finding patterns. These are the interviews you will read on this site.
- I interviewed professionals and researched leading experts’ advice to support the lessons the women had learned.
- Finally I developed exercises for you to do, to develop the skills you need to get over your breakup.
Just as my students at IBM could leave the classroom and apply what they learned in my classes in the real world, you will be able to take what you learn from this site and the eBooks and apply it today.
My Breakup Story
The first story in this site needs to be my own. The ending of my last relationship was swift. I met Brian through an online dating site and I lost him to online dating. We had been together for two years, had bought a house and were planning to have children. He was the most intense guy I had ever been with – sometimes he was a whirlwind of excitement and at other times he was just hard work. But he was intelligent, interesting and worked hard. When he was ‘up’, we had a good time together.
On my 38th birthday I had my first suspicion he was cheating and five days later I found proof he was trolling internet dating sites for women. I screamed at him, took time out and within a week decided that as he was still lying, we had to breakup. It was hard to go from thinking that everything was great in our relationship to being single so quickly. It was hard to get my head around the change.
I did my best to go No Contact with him – we had property and money to sort out so we still had to communicate. I tried to keep it business-like and do it by email but it was hard. I slipped up – I was not perfect. But I kept at it as I knew I had no choice. I did not want to be with him anymore, and going No Contact was the easiest way to get him out of my system.
It worked. And it can work for you too.
About me: Sarah Horth
I have been through some big breakups, but as always I picked myself up and dusted myself off and got back in the ring. The diary entries that are used as examples throughout this site are from the stack of diaries I wrote the year I broke up with my exhusband.
My background is in training – and I want to apply this to breakups. For many years I designed and delivered training courses for large international corporations in subjects like presenting and negotiation. My students ranked me at an average of 96-100% satisfaction rating over the years I led classes in IBM because the classes I designed are practical. My students left the classroom and could directly apply what they learned in the real world. I wanted to know if I could apply this to the subject of getting through a breakup so you are able to move on faster.