When he won’t leave you alone

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by Sarah on June 10, 2011

I have had a few emails this week from a lovely young woman who is dealing with an ex who just won’t leave her alone.  They broke up a while ago and she has already had to change her cellphone number as he wouldn’t stop calling her.  Now he is calling her at work, harassing her to get back together with him.

What can you do if your ex won’t leave you alone?

Firstly make sure you’re not sending mixed messages – the old song goes ‘you’ve got to be cruel to be kind’ and in this situation it is true.  You might feel like a heartless bitch when you tell him you are really not into him, and there is no way you are getting back together.  It might make you feel uncomfortable to be so blunt, but in the long run you will save yourself a lot of hassle later on.  If you’re not completely honest, he might believe that he still has a chance with you.

Dragging things out can have the same result as well – if you spend a lot of time together, your ex may believe that there is hope for you as a couple.  You can be friends, but usually you need some time apart to change from lovers to friends.  The distance helps you to break your couple habits.

If you’ve been blunt and he still isn’t getting the message, and it is starting to annoy you, you could ask one of his friends to intervene.  Your not asking them to take your side, you are asking them to look after your ex, help him see that he is wasting his time on you.

Finally sometimes you just have to ignore him.  If talking is not working – in fact any communication seems to encourage him – it’s time to stop taking his calls.  You are not that special person in his life any more who is there to make his problems better, he needs to find other support to get him through this tough time.

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