I just found out a friend of mine is breaking up with her adorable boyfriend. They moved in together about three months ago and everything was going so well. Until something got in their romance’s way…it’s made me think of the tragic breakup.
Not all breakups are arguments and recriminations – sometimes our timing is out, or our situations don’t match, and this creates a tragic breakup. You still love each other, and want to be together but it is not possible. No one’s fault, it just isn’t meant to be.
For my friend, her boyfriend is from another country and after a romantic trip to the homeland to introduce her to friends and family, he realized that he belonged there. He loves her, but can’t see living in our country permanently, speaking a different language, eating different food and struggling with a different system of doing things for his whole life. It is understandable – having lived in an extremely different culture before, I relate to his situation. The only way I could do it was to give it a time limit, to know that I would move back into an easier culture (for me) within 5 years. Knowing that when I had children, it would be near my family.
But for my friend, it just wasn’t possible. And she can’t leave here to be with him in his country. She has health issues and wants to stay here close to her support and her family. And she has always been clear about that.
So it is a tragic breakup – no blame, no fault, just sad. I’ve never gone through a tragic breakup, so I don’t know if it is harder to get over. Would I start to think of ‘what ifs’ afterward? Would it be harder to let him go? Would I find ‘no contact’ too hard to do? How would I get through with no anger?
I hope my friend will be OK. She is distraught and I feel for her as it’s just the beginning of the stages of breaking up for her, and that first month is so hard. She is strong, I know she will cope, but it is tragic that she has to go through this.
Are you in the middle of a tragic breakup and need some extra support getting over that ex of yours, check out The Smart Woman’s Breakup Program – it’s based on over 100 interviews with women facing breakups just like you and includes the advice of over 25 experts. You can download a sample chapter here.
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I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your friend because that most certainly qualifies as a tragic breakup. Knowing that there’s nothing else wrong but that situations won’t allow the couple to stay together gives it an element of unrequited love. I am glad to hear that she is strong and it sounds like she has a good network of family and friends to support her during this time. I wish her the best of luck.
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That is tragic indeed, so sucks when nothing went wrong just geographically unsuited. I feel for her, hard enough when there is a bad reason to break up.
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Charlotte – she does indeed have a great support network, and it’s one of the reasons she is staying here. It’ll be a hard few months, but I can see her taking on the world again!
Marti – yes you are right – a real bitch. I don’t really understand how hard, like I said I’ve never been through it. In some ways easier maybe as there is no way they can be together, and in other ways harder – will she over-romanticize what they had? I am sure it will be tempting to keep some kind of contact going too.
*sigh* I really thought she’d found the guy!