We’ve been talking about sex after a breakup, and I think crushes relate to this topic. Nothing like a really good crush to divert you from wallowing about your ex. I’ve certainly had them!
Having a crush is a great fantasy for you to escape into when the going is tough. You may pick the bartender that smiles at you sweetly, the new guy at work or an old school flame. It doesn’t seem to matter too much who you pick, as often (repeat after me) the crush is not based on reality – it is based on a fantasy you have going on in your mind. Hard though to recognize this as it feels so real at the time.
You might have this overwhelming urge to act on your crush (as it feels so real – he has to be ‘the one’ for you to feel like this). And maybe he is your perfect man, but right now you are not the perfect woman for a relationship. If your girlfriends encourage you to act, tell them you’d rather keep him as the perfect crush and not turn him into messy-rebound guy. If you are obsessing about him, you are not ready for a relationship – it will end in a rebound mess!
Take a warning from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Eat, Pray, Love. Straight after she breaks up with her husband, she moves in with David, her ‘desperate love’. She explained how ‘it was so easy not to think about that loss (her looming divorce) in the midst of such happiness.’ But the romance doesn’t last, the façade crumbles as Gilbert becomes weepy and needy, and David backs off.
The object of your adoration has become repulsed by you…The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You’re a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes.
It ends in wreckage. Like Gilbert, you need time to on your own for a while so you can become that fantastic woman who doesn’t need crushes to get her through the day – an equal partner again. Skip the step where you blunder back into a relationship before you’re ready. We’ve all probably done it once before – let’s try to not do it this time around.
Instead enjoy the crush, go with the fantasy – nothing like it to help you get through the tough days!
And don’t forget this week is the last chance to enter our mypleasure giveaway!
If you need extra support getting over that ex of yours (and avoiding mad rebound relationships), check out The Smart Woman’s Breakup Program – it’s based on over 100 interviews with women facing breakups just like you and includes the advice of over 25 experts. You can download a sample chapter here.
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Wow. This is a post after my own heart these days. I’m seriously going through this very same thing right now… and am wondering if I should act on it, or keep the fantasy going on for as long as I can. I’m enjoying the heavy flirtation and sexy email exchanges but wonder what would happen if we venture into something more. It’s fun to think about (and definitely keeps the mind preoccupied, which is a great thing!) but I just want the fantasy and nothing more at this point. I love the direction your blog posts have been taking. Great work, Sarah
Charlotte´s last blog ..will it go round in circles