For me, when going alone, one of the things I miss the most is touch. I don’t just mean erotic touch (although I miss that!), I mean any physical touch. When you hug someone your oxytocin levels increase, and with that your feeling of relaxation and connectedness. I missed that – some weeks I would notice that, except for handshakes and handing over money when shopping, I might not have been touched for days. It is no wonder some of us search out casual sex.
For those of you with young children, you are lucky to have the little people giving you hugs and climbing all over you (although it doesn’t always feel like luck). Other ideas you might think about to increase touch in your life:
- We can ask our friends and family for hugs.
- We can play with the children in our lives.
- Schedule a massage if you can afford it.
- If you have a massage school in your city you may be able to get a discount massage there.
- Offer to exchange massages with a friend.
Look for other ways in your life to up your touch quota. A pet could also be a cuddly companion, although it is also a long-term commitment – you need to be sure that your cat or dog would fit into your life in five or ten years time. You could always befriend the neighbor’s cat, take a friend’s dog for a walk, or volunteer at your local animal shelter.
What other things do you do to get touch into your life? It is something that can make us feel so much better in our singleness. We don’t want to waste away like the honeybee…
Honeybees depend not only on physical contact with the colony, but also require it’s social companionship and support. Isolate a honeybee from her sisters and she will soon die.
Sue Monk Kidd (The Secret Life of Bees)
And for another kind of touch – don’t forget our MyPleasure giveaway competition we’re running!
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so true. I like to think I’m a pretty “hands-on” kind of girl and love giving/receiving hugs, putting a hand on a knee when engaged in conversation, etc. It always makes me feel better, and it’s not meant in a sexual kind of way. It’s just my way of communicating.
PS: I love the Secret Life of Bees and totally remember that quote.
I agree – there is something so sad about being an island and not really having (non-sexual) touches in your life. I am a big hugger. And there is nothing like going to see my small nephews and playing the scary huggy Auntie game, where they run away from poor Auntie’s hugs (I feel like I should grow some big whiskers just to make it more realistic), and then Auntie runs away from their hugs. Very cute and funny. Nothing like getting bowled over by a 3 and 5 year old.
You need a friend with benfits. Someone reliable to kiss, touch and cuddle or more once in a while, with no emotional attachment.
That is a great thing Asian Housewife, if you can find it – and keep it that way!
Sarah: Do you mean not getting emotionally attached? There are some ways you can do this, including, not seeing the person too often, seeing more than one person, finding things to get annoyed about, and not putting the guy on a pedestal and seeing him as just a guy.
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