Confession: checking Brian’s dating site profiles
I was the only one who knew about my stalking behavior. For months after I broke up with that cheating Rat Bastard Brian I didn’t call him, I didn’t see him, we negotiated settling our house by email and lawyer (which was horrific). I felt like I did all the right things.
All the right things except one: I had this compulsion to check his dating website profiles. In my drive to discover everything I could about his cheating, I found several sites he was registered on (before we broke up). I went back a few times a week to see when his profile was last active – even though there was no activity that I could see. I had to register myself to see what he was up to, and some of these sites were less than classy.
It was a compulsion that wasn’t good as it kept me involved with him and depressed me – I made myself cringe. I finally told a friend what I was up to. Outing my behavior made it easier to give it up.
No stalking behavior is going to help you get over him. And even if you are holding any dreams of getting back together with him (we’ll work on that later) stalking him is the quickest way to make sure he won’t be interested in you.
A friend of mine Andrea wrote me an email about No Contact, and finished with this:
He won’t be happy to hear from you. If he’s really missing you he could also think of million excuses to contact you. You just look like a stalker, a desperate woman and that’s not attractive.
You don’t want to be that girl that he turns into a funny story to amuse his friends with – and tomorrow we’ll hear from a guy’s point of view what it is like to be stalked.
This is an excerpt from The Smart Woman’s Breakup Book – a 200-page book, workbook and email coaching program based on over 100 interviews with women facing breakups just like you and includes the advice of over 25 experts. You can download the full sample chapter here.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
oh man, you guys are beating yourself up, and also setting yourself so hard against getting back together that it would never happen even though it probably wouldn’t. I guess that’s the point, avoid the heartache of being on the fence and just dive off on a side that is most likely the right one. That’s all good unless it ISN’T the right one.
I’m not saying that you should get back with this cheating mofo, but allow yourself to be human.
the house husband´s last blog ..Yeah right
Hey! This was all a long time ago – and I had already decided waaaaay before that that we were in no way ever going to get back together. He was a narcissist and a liar. The point of the story was more that it is hard to give someone up, and we have a tendency to want to lurk a bit and see what they are doing – not good in the long run though as it holds you back. But human none-the-less.
Sarah´s last blog ..Stalker Confession: Checking His Online Profile
Hi! I’m visiting from the Lady Blogger’s Tea Party. Dating must have been so much easier before the internet – much less opportunity for anonymous stalking, and therefore much less temptation to become/appear desperate or crazy.
Colleen – I’ve got to agree with you! I think it is hard to break all contact with someone online – so easy just to google and see what they are up to! Mind you online dating also helps you to meet more people as well, so it’s a double-edged sword.
I have totally been there myself. Of course it’s not an enviable position to be in, or even a side of ourselves we like to see exposed, but sometimes in the throes of passion (jealousy/rage) we find ourselves behaving in a way that is uncharacteristic. But you’re absolutely right: it’s good to acknowledge that this behavior is destructive and that it won’t lead to any good in the long run.
P.S. I’m loving the pictures to your articles
LOL!!
They are great! I must have been 18 when that movie came out – it really made an impression!
It was easy enough deleting him from Facebook and my phone etc…but this still doesn’t help as he told me his one same password for everything. Now and again, even though I really don’t want to know and know that I’m better off *not* knowing, I get the very strong urge to check if for messages and activities because I’m still so curious and hurt. I’ve tried changing the password etc, but he always changes it back to the same one! No idea how to get out of this one (without fessing up to my stalkerishness of course).