I don’t like to write too much about stalking as a stage of breaking up as I think it is a cliche – women who break up end up stalking their exes, going all Fatal Attraction on their asses! How many breakup books do you read warnings about doing this? And how many women actually do end up acting like Glenn Close? Not many.
But it is hard to break the habit of being with, caring about, and knowing about your ex after you breakup. And it can lead to mild stalker-like behavior.
Do you recognize any of these?
- You are thinking about doing a drive-by. Who’s going to know if you just do a quick drive down his road to see if his car is in at 2am in the morning?
- Or you are thinking to call or IM him to see how he is. It’s been a long time since you’ve talked and you used to talk at least three times a day as well as see each other. Just one call: what would it hurt?
- You think you might snoop at his Facebook account while at your girlfriend’s house to see how he’s doing. She still is his friend so you’ll be able to see what is up with him on her account. Who will know?
Besides your girlfriend looking over your shoulder thinking what a sad case you are, you will know. You are taking all these great steps forward and then bang, you’ve just propelled yourself backwards again.
I have a bit of a confession about my own stalker-ish behavior that I will share with you tomorrow. Don’t be hard on yourself if you are showing some of the signs – we all have that temptation to get back in touch. But it won’t help you in the long run.
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Guilty as charged! I do have to say though that the moment I stopped caring so much about the ex in order to live my own life, it was as if a great weight had been lifted. He wasn’t the one making these grand gestures to stalk me so why should I be the one going through all the trouble? Once this realization washed over me and I started surrounding myself with good friends who radiated positive energy, the breakup became more tolerable and things just seemed to fall back into place again.
It’s amazing how much we can somtimes stand in the way of our happiness sometimes.
Agreed Charlotte – and I don’t think it is as big thing as it can be made out to be in some relationship books. It is hard to suddenly let go, but once we can, we make leaps and bounds in our recovery!