I met Rick at his house in the country sitting on the porch with a view over fields to the Pacific Ocean. His wife sits with us, letting out a occasional hoot of laughter as he tells his story. Rick leaned forward in his chair, his curly hair a halo in the sun and his Clint Eastood jaw jutted in frustration as he started his story. He met Christa at a party at his house. He became intrigued, she was witty and her confidence attracted him. He didn’t realize that she was drunk, and was one of those people more interesting when drinking than not. They had a good mutual friend so by the end of the night Rick arranged for the three of them to catch up later in the week. Fast forward a month – they had been out a few times but Rick had realized that Christa was far from the confident person she portrayed at the party.
‘She was uptight,’ he said. ‘Not meaning sex, but about life and she didn’t seem that interested in dating me. That was fine – I thought we’d end up being that kind of friend you just see around. As soon as I said this, she became interested and started pursuing me. But in an indirect way, it was really strange. ’
This went on for years. She would show up at his house randomly or call him, and whenever he saw her around there would be an insinuation of flirting but nothing outright.
‘I thought I might be paranoid, I tried to say something but she would just twist and deny it – but she kept acting as though she was interested in me. At one point I was dating another girl May, and when Christa showed up yet again we staged it so it looked like we’d just got out of bed. I thought she’d get the picture but she wouldn’t give up. Much later when I was single again she came to visit me at College and so I decided to seduce her. I thought it would put her in one camp or the other and then I could deal with it. She backed right off. It was a relief when she left me alone. ’
Most women I know haven’t been extreme with their ‘checking in’ on their ex, but even if your stalking isn’t noticed by him or others, you know about it. Try your best to avoid it, but if you do succumb, just get back on the Ex-Purge program, keep up no contact and don’t be hard on yourself.
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