Thanks to Charlotte for writing this, it is good timing as we look at the no contact rule. She has a wonderful blog about her breakup survival at mypixieblog.com. Check out more of her writing!
The “No Contact” rule is an especially difficult one for me to follow and I‘m ashamed to admit that I have cheated a few times since we broke up back in October. Just last week Jackson called to see if I could possibly help him with a writing assignment. I used to write all of his copy for his photography business and every now and then an assignment does come in, but it‘s been months. It’s very possible for us to discuss the details of these projects via phone or email, but he offered to take me out for a nice dinner, and since we hadn’t seen or spoken with each other in weeks, I relented.
The first half of the evening was pleasant and we discussed the usual topics: work, family, friends. We laughed and reminisced about various vacations we had been on and how long it’s been since we kicked back and enjoyed some time away from the office. But the evening eventually took a turn and we found ourselves arguing about the same things all over again. When was I going to grow up? When would he loosen up a bit? Why couldn’t I save money? Why did he care so much about material possessions?
These arguments escalate a lot faster now that we’re no longer a couple because we both realize there’s no way we can change each other. Am I grooming him for his next girlfriend? Though the thought sickens me, I really have to wonder. It’s certainly not for my own benefit that I repeat the same things over and I always end up having an out-of-body experience. Who is this person, and why does she sound so hostile?
I still think of him as my best friend and I’m upset that he’s made this breakup so bearable. I wish that he had cheated on me with my best friend or that I’d found him stealing money. But in all those years, he’s never said a single negative word about me and he still thinks the world of me. We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. If only it hadn’t taken me six years to figure it all out…
If you are struggling with going no contact with your ex, download the free chapter of Sarah’s new ebook – The Smart Woman’s Breakup Book: ‘Get Him Out of Your Life.’ It gives you lists and exercises to follow to get you prepared to go no contact – and you get to read real-life stories of women and men facing this challenge after a breakup.
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I’ve been reading mypixieblog, though I hadn’t yet commented because I was just feverishly pressing ‘next’ to read the next entry.
I am a champ at the no contact rule. Perhaps it’s because my relationships have all been short lived and it’s easy for me to nix someone as soon as it’s decided that we, together, are not awesome. I delete everything within the first few hours… phone numbers and such. I never, ever call. I never, ever pick up if he calls. I don’t read emails, if they come– it’s hard for me to stare failure in the face and every phone call or email or reminder after we break up is just a reminder that I suck, so I’d rather just not look at it.
I can’t imagine having someone’s life wrapped up in mine and having to untangle myself and let go. I think you’ve handled this extremely well… there is no way I’d be able to a) still do work for my ex and b) have dinner with him. Just too much. Bravo!
I’m with you Curvy – although I am not quite as cut-throat as you (wish I could be). I remember making the mistake of hanging out with an ex many years after we broke up and he annoyed the hell out of me. All those problems of all those years ago raised their ugly heads. I learned my lesson! Charlotte is a kinder person.
If you ever felt like writing your no contact story, it would be great to include it. Going off to check out your site now.