How to Recognize the Cool New You

To balance all these posts about No Contact, it’s good to look forward to more positive things and get back into working out your new dreams and goals. I promised you a while back to spend some time on working out your new goals, and now with my writing groove back on, let’s get started!

We already saw J.K. Rowling talk about how she used failure to become a success this week, so what was her message and how does it apply to you?

In her late 20s she saw herself as the biggest failure that she knew: her marriage had imploded, she was a single parent, jobless and the poorest you can be without being homeless. The only sign of light at the end of the tunnel was her hope rather than anything real.

And for you now, how do you feel about your situation? You might be wondering how this happened to you, sure that this kind of thing was not meant to happen – you didn’t expect to be single again at 25,30,35,40 (insert your age here). You are good at relationships – so why did you fail this time? Or maybe you are good at other things in your life, but not relationships, and you wonder when you will start succeeding.

For J.K. Rowling failure meant a stripping away of the inessential – she stopped pretending that she was anything else than what she was. She began directing her energy into the only work that really mattered to her. She wondered if she had really succeeded in anything else, she might not have found the determination to succeed in the one arena where she believed she truly belonged. Failure set her free as her greatest fear had been realised, she was still alive, had her daughter, an old typewriter and a big idea.

‘Rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I built my life.’

Failure gave her an inner security and taught her things about herself that she could have learned no other way. She discovered she had a strong will and more discipline than she had suspected – and she had good friends. She was wiser and stronger than before.

Knowledge gained through your setbacks, means you are secure in knowing you can survive. You will never truly know yourself or the strength of your relationships until they have been tested by adversity – this knowledge is a true gift.

‘Life is difficult and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control.’

So what about you? What have you learned about yourself through the ending of your relationship?

Have some friends surprised you with their support – or lack of support?
Have you shown some grit you didn’t know you had?
Have you surprised yourself?
In what ways do you think this breakup has changed you?
What expectations has this breakup freed you from? (Things like: I will be married and have kids by 35.)
With your new freedom, do you have the courage to find your ‘big idea’?
What might your big idea be?

J.K. Rowling came through her time of adversity and was stronger and braver for it. You will get through it to, and yes be stronger and braver for it – not that we all will become billionaire authors (I wish!), but you will find your dream in all your new freedom and apply your new found grit to following it through.

(I am not mentioning V-day as this stuff is far more exciting than some chocolate and balloons. Forget that stuff today – instead spend time thinking about how cool you really are!)