You want to scream at him.
Going No Contact is a tough thing to do, so I am putting together a series of posts to help you through this time. This will keep you motivated to keep with your goal of staying away from your ex – when what you really want to do is scream at him, to talk to him, to throw things at him, to ask him more questions, to find out ‘why.’ Keeping up no contact is important – you can refind yourself and get on with your life.
The first story in this series needs to be my own. The ending of my last relationship was swift. I met Brian through an online dating site and I lost him to online dating. We had been together for two years, had bought a house and were planning to have children. He was the most intense guy I had ever been with – sometimes he was a whirlwind of excitement and at other times he was just hard work. But he was intelligent, interesting and worked hard. When he was ‘up’, we had a good time together.
On my 38th birthday I had my first suspicion he was cheating and five days later I found proof he was trolling internet dating sites for women – following this up with dates and dirty texts. I screamed at him, took time out and within a week decided that as he was still lying, we had to breakup. It was hard to go from thinking that everything was great in our relationship to being single so quickly. It was hard to get my head around the change.
I did my best to go No Contact with him – we had property and money to sort out so we still had to communicate. I tried to keep it business-like and do it by email but it was hard. I slipped up – I was not perfect. But I kept at it as I knew I had no choice. I did not want to be with him anymore, and going No Contact was the easiest way to get him out of my system.
It worked. And it can work for you too.
If you are struggling with going no contact with your ex, download the free chapter of my new ebook – The Smart Woman’s Breakup Book: ‘Get Him Out of Your Life.’ It gives you lists and exercises to follow to get you prepared to go no contact – and you get to read real-life stories of women and men facing this challenge after a breakup.
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My N ex and I lived together 2 years and bought many major items jointly. When his mask came off I moved out and he will not allow me to have any of the items we purchased through a joint account. (His idea of course) He controlled my money for all this time and bought me nothing personally, only items for his property etc. I cannot afford to hire an attorney and he will not pay me for any of it or split anything equally anyway. I have lost thousands of dollars to this man I will never collect.
Does anyone know a way to press charges against someone who robs you blind like this? For example it is a crime to swindle the elderly, why not victims of narcissists?I have now gone no contact for over 2 months btw although he continues to call. I don’t answer or respond to anything he does.
Sheila,
I didn’t see your comment until now – so sorry! That is terrible – and as I had my ex drag out our house settlement until I had used more than the amount he was meant to pay me on lawyers and extra mortgage payments, I can understand your anger.
In the end, lawyers will probably end up costing you more than the thousands you want to get back off him. You are wise in staying away from him. If you want to be sure, is there a community law center in your town you can go get some free or lost cost advice. If he is a narcissist, then he will do everything (even if it costs him) to not give you any money. They are such bastards!