A reader sent in this email about the no contact rule:
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, after we had been together for 17 months, and I’ve been trying hard to follow the no contact rule. It’s been hard, but I gave back his stuff, we worked out the money we owed each other and then I really have been trying to not call him. The problem is last week he started to send me texts and last night he called to see how I was doing. Does he want to get back together with me? Should I start calling him too? Why is he calling me?
Gina
Gina, it is not surprising that you are confused – he’s acting like he wants you back. You are going to have to be extra-strong as you are receiving mixed messages and this is can be a difficult time to stay strong. First steps:
1. Stop answering his calls
2. Don’t reply to his texts.
3. Send him a non-emotional email asking him to please stop calling you as it is upsetting you.
When I get your texts and phone calls, I feel upset and confused. Please stop calling me. I hope one day we can be friends, but right now it is too hard for me.)
There are two reasons for his phone calls:
1. He is lonely and misses you. You were together for almost a year and a half, that’s a long time. Of course he misses you. You were a big part of his life. But missing you and wanting you back are two completely different things.
2. You are acting cool and unobtainable and so you are instantly attractive. I don’t know why – there will no doubt be some psychological or evolutionary reason – but people often want what they can’t have. He is checking that he still has some power over you – DO NOT be sucked in to this! The likelihood is he will not continue to behave like this if you start calling him back. He definitely would not be doing this if you were acting all sad and clingy like he expected you to – instead that would have him running for the hills!
You wouldn’t have been with him for all that time if you didn’t love him. So going without contact is really hard. It can be even harder if he keeps reeling you back in. This is a dangerous situation because it is easy to excuse taking his call as opposed to actually making the call yourself. Remind yourself that it is going to make it harder on you, but if you give in, don’t beat yourself up. Pick yourself up and tell yourself next time you won’t answer.
But right now – write that email and start looking forward to your new life.
Related posts:
- Breakup Advice: No Contact Rule #3 Today we will look at more advice about how...
- Breakup Tips: Following the No Contact Rule After you breakup – whether you do the dumping or...
- 7 Excuses You Might Use to Get Out of the No-contact Rule! I am reading the section about going No Contact in...
- Breakup Advice: No Contact Rule #1 Today we will look at advice about how to go...
- True Breakup Story: Dinner with the Ex Thanks to Charlotte for writing this, it is good timing...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.