I am reading the section about going No Contact in the book Getting Past Your Breakup. This is written by grief counselor, Susan J Elliott who has a popular blog Getting Past Your Past.
Elliott lists the excuses you might give for contacting your guy and not following the No Contact rule. She says (and I agree) that using these excuses will keep you stuck, grieving and hanging on to your ex and the relationship:
- We can just be friends.
- I need closure – I need to talk it through some more or ask another question.
- I need to understand what happened.
- I need to be available in case he wants to get back together.
- I need to give him back his stuff.
- I’m horny! I can handle being fuck buddies.
- We hang out with the same people.
Does this sound like you? I’ll talk more about No Contact next week and what you need to do to get completely ready so you’re not tempted to contact him. There is no reason to contact him unless it is about kids or property. If you have to talk to him about these things, keep it business-like and get off the phone quickly (or make that email short). Otherwise – stay away. No excuses!
You might be interested in my related posts: Going No Contact and Breakup tip #1: No contact
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
My ex wants to stay friends with me, he dumped me a month ago but still invites me to things and I am on his group email and we’re facebook friends. I feel mean unfriending him!
Hi Tania,
You might be able to friends with him, but not right now. Now you need time to adjust to being single. Don’t feel mean – remember that he broke up with you, the last thing you need to worry about is seeming mean!
Either block his email or ask him to take you off his group email list. Unfriend him on Facebook – you do not need to see what his updates are and photos of him having fun. That is just rubbing salt into the wound!
To manage to break your ex habit, try to go cold turkey. It is tempting to see him, tempting to call to see how he is, tempting to keep his favorite t-shirt so you can sleep in it and then have a reason to meet him later, and tempting to ask your friends if he has a girlfriend. Instead try to change your focus away from ‘us’ to ‘me’.
Sarah