Stages of a Breakup: Grief and Transition

sad woman5 I just put a post up on my HubPage about loss – grief and transition. Do take a read as it gives you lots of information and tips about grief and transition. In breakup tips today we’ll look particularly at grief and its stages, some are obvious (today I feel angry) and some hover around in the background (I must be anxious, my shoulders are so stiff).

After my last breakup, I was a real mess! There were so many of the stages of grief swimming around my mind

I wanted to be in denial - it was so hard to believe that B had cheated on me. Instead of a drawn-out breakup, it was sudden. It took a long time for my mind to catch up.
I was angry with him. Angry for cheating, for ruining our relationship, for lying, for being so stupid, for misusing my trust…the list is endless.
After I got over the initial shock (about 2 weeks in) I became numb. I felt like the walking dead. Just managing to make it to work. Trying my hardest not to cry all over the place. I had trouble sleeping.
Not sleeping is a sign of depression, and that definitely happened. We had property together and he was using the settlement to keep hold of me, by dragging it out. I felt trapped. It was bad enough that I had trusted him and he had abused that, but now he was manipulating things and making it very difficult to settle. I had to communicate with him. Really what I wanted was to never see him again. I couldn’t sleep, life seemed to be bleak, I had no concentration.
I was anxious as well, the stress of being 38,childless and single, coupled with B being a bastard over the house settlement made me a complete stress-head. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was having a heart attack. The pain in my chest was huge. I realise now it was a panic attack, but at the time it was incredibly scary.
I didn’t really do the bargaining thing with god or the universe. Instead I worked on acceptance. I had no choice. I couldn’t be with a liar, who still didn’t admit and take responsibility for what he had done. I had no choice but to accept the situation – I was forced to as much as I didn’t like it. In some ways my situation was easier to accept, as it was compulsory!

If there is infidelity at the end of the relationship, it brings in so many other complex emotions as betrayal is hard to understand. What stages of grief have you gone through in your breakup? How are you coping?