After you breakup – whether you do the dumping or he did – it is important to follow the no contact rule with your ex. I like to call this your Ex-Purge. Even if you were the one doing the breaking up, you are probably going to miss him and miss being in a relationship. The Ex-Purge/no contact rule achieves three things:
- No contact will free yourself of him in your home and your habits
- Going through the no contact list (I will give you later) will help you to really understand that you are not with him any more
- No contact will help you to be able to move on.
You probably won’t feel like doing this – in fact you might not feel like doing anything at all. So here are some tips to start with:
- Get some help. Get a good girlfriend over, pour a glass of wine and hand her the list (I will give you) so she can help you get started.
- Try not to have too many glasses of wine as you may be tempted to destroy all his possessions rather than give them back!
- I will give you a list of things you need to do – if you still have items on your list, after your evening with your helping friend, break each down into small tasks and put them in a to-do list – then do them at your own pace.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself as you’re going through some big changes.
- Hold onto the thought of how good you will feel once you’re finished – often the thought of doing is worse than the doing.
I’ll be posting my checklist next. Take care of yourself at this time, you’ll be sad, angry, denying that it is happening. But it is happening, so look after yourself. When it gets too much go for a walk, clear your head and then go back and finish that list!
If you are struggling with going no contact with your ex, download the free chapter of my new ebook – The Smart Woman’s Breakup Book: ‘Get Him Out of Your Life.’ It gives you lists and exercises to follow to get you prepared to go no contact – and you get to read real-life stories of women and men facing this challenge after a breakup.
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I totally agree about no contact. I’ve written and vlogged about this a few times because I know so many people that stay in contact with exes so that they can remain “friends.” I’m a firm believer that you can only live life forward, not backward and exes need to move into your past for you to move forward.
I’ve received a lot a feedback from people telling me that they stay in touch with their exes and that I was wrong. Of course they all hadn’t been able to move forward into new meaningful relationships, so I guess they’re just not ready to see the pattern.
Nice Tina – The only exception that I’ve seen is when people go no contact, and are not friends for a year or more, really get over their – and then later have a friendship. Doesn’t happen often though.